Of Monsters and Demons
by TotalGamer98
Summary: A collection of Soul Eater oneshots, mostly AUs and a lot of SoMa, but there'll be others. Latest: Crona was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and therefore is sent to recover the Queen's sister in a (supposedly) noble quest. At least, that's what Patty thinks. Their Queen has been playing a bit too many adventure games. (Vocaloid's "Death Should Not Have Taken Thee!" AU.)
1. Strength in Numbers

**Ideas have been floating around my head for a while about some cool oneshots, so I thought, why not just put them all in a collection? ;) A lot of the first ones will be AUs that reference other animes.**

**TotalGamer98 Presents to You:**

**Of Monsters and Demons**

**Chapter 1: Strength in Numbers**

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Description: Soul's in charge of his regiment, but is constantly battling his own fears and nightmares. However, when new recruit Albarn shows up, Soul may have just found some comfort. What he can't perceive is how long this comfort will last... (Attack on Titan AU, Soul's POV. Warning: Character Death)

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Just a hand.

A hand that Maka held over her heart as she saluted me, a senior officer. It was her first day of training, and her eyes were so full of life and willingness to fight for humanity. By that time, however, my own eyes had dulled. I had seen death at is absolute worst, and if she stuck with the Scout Regiment, Maka would soon see the same. I felt bad for her, really. With her level of cheerfulness, I didn't feel as if she'd last long when she was shoved onto the battlefield. She soon proved me wrong, however.

Just a hand, one that soon proved to me one of the strongest I knew of.

Since I was in charge of our regiment, I observed Maka's training often. She handled her 3D maneuver gear expertly. I teased her about it as we grew more comfortable with each other, saying that her success was just beginner's luck. What I didn't expect was for her to slam my skull with an insanely thick book. I assigned her push-ups for an hour for injuring a senior officer, and then went to find an ice pack.

When I arrived back, she had thrown herself into her push-ups with vigor. I admired her strength, and resolved never to tease her about it again for that reason. I swear it wasn't because I was afraid of her Maka-chops.

Just a hand, one that clutched mine when Maka realized her senior officer got nightmares.

Our rooms weren't far from each other, and I suppose she got to her room later than she normally did, for she woke me from my sleep when she stepped in that night.

"You were crying out in your sleep," She said, in a tone much gentler than what I had heard her use on the training ground. "Are you all right, sir?"

I sighed, sitting up to face her. I was in my bedclothes, and she wore the same type. I ran a hand through my hair. "When you've been in the thick of battle, like I have," I began quietly, "You're lucky if you go three nights without nightmares."

My ash-blonde subordinate watched her feet for a moment. Abruptly, however, she pulled the stool from the other side of the room over to my bed and sat down on it.

"Sir," She murmured, reaching her hand out, "Lay down, and take my hand."

I quirked an eyebrow. "You don't order me around, soldier. And what makes you think that'll work?"

She shrugged. "Strength in numbers, I suppose. It's just an idea," She mumbled, beginning to stand, when I suddenly reached a hand out to grab her palm.

"Wait," I whispered, but I then realized how weak I sounded, and so I tried to adopt a more commanding tone. "Stay, as long as you're sure you can fall asleep like that. You need to rest up for tomorrow."

She smirked a little.

"I've trained myself to fall asleep while standing if needed, so I can be ready to run. I can sleep fine, sitting here."

I smiled a little. "Good," I told her, laying down while clutching her hand. I smirked after a moment, however. "Oh, and don't try anything on me while I sleep, soldier. Even though I know I'm irresistible."

She chopped me for that comment, though I never figured out from where she got the book. It became normal for her to do this whenever I suffered nightmares, and after my hand was safely in hers, I experienced no further nightmares for that night.

Just a hand, one that shook with fear when she was sent into battle for the first time.

"We're ordered to scout the area!" I yelled to my regiment as we approached the gate. "We need to make sure no titans are planning to knock down this wall! Are my commands clear?"

"Sir, yes sir!" Called the troops in reply. I nodded in approval, reining in my horse. I was about to kick its side once to send her forward, but my eye caught the sight of Maka shaking in her saddle. I gave the troops the command to move forward at a walk, then trotted over to Maka.

"Albarn," I said quickly. We had begun calling each other by our last names since she had begun comforting me, rather than simply saying "soldier", or in her case "sir" or "commander". "What's the problem?" I continued.

She looked up to face me, her eyes wide with fright. "This… This is the real thing," She squeaked out. I nodded gravely.

"Yes," I replied, "But I know you're strong. You're the toughest soldier in the regiment, Albarn. I know you can do this."

She only nodded once, her emerald eyes fixed upon the gate before us. I sighed, and much to both of our surprise, I placed my hand on hers.

"Strength in numbers," I smiled a little in reassurance, quoting her. I then turned back around to face the gate, my smile fading as I kicked my horse into a canter. I soon heard her horse behind mine as the gates opened.

Just a hand, with quivering fingers splattered with titans' blood after her first battle.

Maka's face was full of resolve and strength, but her eyes had dulled. Not everyone we set out with had come back alive, and I saw that effect in her gaze. I put a comforting hand on her shoulder as a reined my horse near hers. She looked over at me for a moment, and then nodded one silently. Maka was a soldier now; she had killed her first titan, but not before it did the same to her comrade. It was as if she had obtained a rite of passage.

Just a hand, one that belonged to a girl whom I had to comfort that night.

I traveled to Maka's room when I heard her scream in her sleep. I sighed when I saw her thrash in bed, and quietly pulled up the stool in her room so that it was next to her and sat down upon it, as she had done for me. Still following her previous actions, I then took her hand. Her fits stopped almost instantly, though I couldn't sleep in this position like she could. As a result, I woke up the next morning with my torso resting on her mattress, while the rest of me still sat on the stool. My hand remained holding hers. She stirred at about the same time as I did, and blinked lazily to look at me. She looked confused for a moment, but then she saw our hands. Just as I was about to say something, suddenly Maka jumped up and hugged me.

"Thank you," She whispered. I was surprised for a moment, but then I relaxed and slowly hugged her back.

"You're welcome," I told her.

Just a hand, one whose fingers would always entwine subconsciously with mine as Maka slept.

After one particularly horrifying battle, I didn't even have to go to Maka's room to comfort her. She rushed into mine, jumping in my bed and curling against me.

"Soul," She whimpered, shaking as if she was freezing, "Can I stay here tonight?"

I smiled a little at her. "Of course, Maka. Seems like you're here already, anyway," I murmured, kissing her temple gently as I pulled the bed sheets up and around us. I loved how her face reddened, and I chuckled a little.

"Calm down, Albarn," I joked, relaxing against her. She quickly settled down and did the same, and I soon heard the gentle breathing that signified her sleep. I eventually followed suit, holding her to me. Neither of us experienced any nightmares that night.

Just a hand that she wrapped around me as we fought off nightmares.

Just a hand that held mine as we sat together at meals.

Just a hand that slapped me playfully when I cracked bad jokes, as I did frequently since she brought joy back into my life.

Just a hand that held her horse's reins proudly as we rode past the wall's gates.

Just a hand that raised her weapon high in the air and was the last thing I saw when I became separated from my regiment.

I called out Maka's name when I could no longer see her emerald eyes. I saw a flash of blonde hair and her weapons raised in position to strike, but that was it. The forest was too thick. Too tall. Too loud. I felt as if the trees were closing in. I didn't know what to do without my regiment… Or my Maka. Her words echoed within my mind;

"Strength in numbers."

Where were my numbers? Where was my strength?

"Retreat!" I called out, hoping my troops would hear me over the thundering footsteps that promised destruction. "Forty-second regiment, RETREAT!"

Only half of my troops made it back alive.

I was devastated, my mind plagued with failure. I had led my troops to slaughter. I had let them down, betrayed their trust. I just prayed Maka would forgive me as I searched for her among the injured after our return; only her words mattered to me.

It was then that Black*Star brought me the weapon. The blade was caked in blood, but my attention was drawn to what held the hilt.

Just a hand.

That's all that was left of her.

"I saw her, Commander," Murmured Black*Star, "She fought better than any of us. She killed two of them, but one came from behind, and…" He trailed off as he viewed the utter agony in my eyes. I took her hand from him, prying her lifeless fingers from the hilt of her weapon that they still clutched so dutifully. Blood began to cover my hands, but I didn't notice. I held her hand to my chest, staining my uniform with her crimson blood as well. Her fingers were so tiny, her skin so soft…

A heart-wrenched cry split my throat as I wept for my fallen comrade. No, Maka is more than a comrade. Or was.

Just a hand.

That's all that was left of her.

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**Sorry for being depressing. But I did good for only having watched five episodes of AoT, right? (Well, I needed a friend's help for a little of it...) Yes, you read that right. AoT creeps me out, and I only managed to watch five episodes, and that was while my friend was telling me when to hide behind my Soul plushie. I need help...**

**Next chapter: Crona's Monster (AU, reference to the Meg and Dia song)**


	2. Whispers

**Forgot a disclaimer in the last chapter. Sorry! Don't kill me for now owning Soul Eater, Attack on Titan, or Meg and Dia!**

**Of Monsters and Demons**

**Chapter 2: Whispers (Meg and Dia's "Monster" AU), Crona's POV**

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Description:Crona's been seeing monsters all his life, but no one else thinks they're there. When his only family dies, he's left to fend for himself, and to search desperately for that thing called "love" that he believes could be relief to all his troubles. (Warning: Crona being depressing and thoughts of suicide. There's a happy ending, I promise! Meg and Dia's "Monster" AU, Crona's POV)

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I was a quiet child. According to my mother, I wasn't meant to be noticed. According to the government, I didn't exist. According to myself, I was nothing. According to my monster, I was garbage.

Yes, I had a monster. He was a part of me, with a large and grotesque tar-colored body, large white fists he would hit me with, and x-shaped pupils for his beady eyes. He would tell me what to do when Medusa wasn't home.

Medusa was my mother. She never wanted me to call her that, though. Just "Medusa". She regretted me, I know it. She hated me, but she fed me and clothed me, so I always hoped that somewhere in her twisted heart that she loved me. Whenever she left my room at night, I'd whisper quietly; "Love me."

That's all I asked for from her, just a simple request.

"Say you love me."

I heard about love in some of the TV shows Medusa watched. They said it was a special feeling, so I began to wonder what it felt like. I tried to feel all sorts of things, but it seemed like nothing I felt was strong enough. Love was a strong feeling, the TV said, so I tried to feel something stronger. I could think of nothing else but to slam my tiny fists on the wall, beating them until they throbbed. Pain was a strong feeling, I reasoned. Maybe it was as close as I'd come to feeling love. This became a habit for me, just because I wondered what it was like to touch and feel love, and because I wanted to block out other feelings, like fear.

I hated fear.

Fear was what would strike me whenever Medusa turned out the light after leaving the basement where I slept. That was when creatures would lie near the window, watching me with shiny, scary eyes, and when the monster would loom over me and growl at me, saying exactly how worthless I was. But sometimes, I talked to the monster. He told me things, like what to feel during those nights when I felt so numb that the creatures outside didn't even scare me.

"Monster?" I asked quietly. "How... How should I feel?"

"Fear," He'd snicker at me. "Be afraid, Crona. Those creatures are dangerous snakes," The monster taunted.

"S-snakes?" My tiny voice whimpered as I buried into my blanket on my small mattress. "Please... Tell them to leave me alone."

The monster laughed at me. "No, Crona," He grinned. "You're stuck with us."

I never got much sleep, not with my monster watching me and the creatures always looking through the window. They'd growl and laugh at me whenever I was alone, so I tried to stay close to Medusa. Whenever she left, I'd be terrified.

"No!" I screamed, tears running down my cheeks as I pulled at her pant leg. "Don't go! Please! They'll scare me!"

Medusa's golden eyes glared down at me. "Let go," She said calmly, but it was terrifying. "I don't know who 'they' are, but if you're worth all the effort I put into raising you, you'll stand up for yourself," She snapped, jerking her leg free and slamming the door behind her.

"We're alone now, Crona," My monster chuckled.

Whenever Medusa got home, she'd always find something broken, like a lamp or a vase, or I would have blood flowing from somewhere on my body. She'd scream at me, telling me what a horrible child I was while using terrible swear words. Then she'd ask me why I was bleeding or something was broken, and my answer was the same every time.

"My monster told me that if I didn't do what he said, he'd hurt me."

Medusa never believed me. But one day, she left and never came back. My monster told me it was because I was a horrible child, and I believed him until I saw on the news that they found her body in her car, parked beside a back road. There were bullet holes in the window, and dried blood down the side of her face. Apparently, she had made enemies.

She left me with no money and no identity. I learned how to successfully scavenge for food in alleys, but it was scarce. So as years passed, I gained height but little weight. And even ten years later, I still had my monster. Ten years later, creatures still looked through my window. Ten years later, I still longed for love.

One night, as I probed for thrown-out sustenance in dumpsters, my monster pointed something out.

"Hey, Crona," He picked my head up with his hand to stare at a girl walking near the alley. "Cute, isn't she?"

I looked at her. The girl had on a small skirt and combat boots, a white blouse, and a sleeveless v-neck sweater. Her eyes were a soft green, and her hair was ash blonde. She didn't seem to see me, as my black hoodie and pants blended in with the dark alley at night.

"She's pretty," I agreed with him quietly. The gears in my mind began turning. A lot of the TV shows I had watched showed a pretty girl falling in love with a guy. I knew I wasn't handsome at all, but I wondered if she'd fall in love with me.

I walked out of the alley and up to her, hearing the monster snicker. I ignored him as I suddenly grabbed her hand. Her eyes looked scared as she whipped around to face me.

"Hey-!" She shouted, but I cut her off.

"Will you fall in love with me?" I asked quickly. I knew this wasn't how they did it on TV, but I wanted love right then and there. I had waited to long already.

The girl began to look angry, and she tried to pull away. "Let go of me, creep!" She growled.

My brow furrowed. I gripped her wrist tightly, turning it violet in silent pain. "You'll love me," I said, my voice eerily calm, "Or my monster will tell me to kill you."

My monster laughed loudly, but I knew she couldn't hear him. No one else could hear my monster, or see him. However, the girl began to stare at me as if I was a maniac.

"So come with me," I commanded, "And love me." I happened to look down at her other hand, the one I wasn't holding tightly, and gasped when I saw the girl begin to pull her phone from her purse. "No!" I yelled, knocking it away from her. It landed on the ground with a clatter, and I saw the screen crack. "You can't call anybody!" My voice had slipped from menacing to desperate. "I don't want anyone else to come, they'll say I've been bad and put me in jail like they do on TV! I just need you to love me! Please," I ended in a whimper.

The girl's expression had changed. She didn't look afraid or angry anymore, but her face showed an emotion I couldn't detect.

"... Okay," She said quietly. "I'll come with you. But I can't guarantee I'll fall in love with you or anything, all right?"

I sighed and nodded. "Okay," I replied.

"What's your name?"

Her question surprised me. I hadn't said my own name in so long, and had only heard it when it was rasped by my monster.

"C-crona," I told her. My grip on her wrist began to loosen as she did something to me that no one else had ever done.

She smiled at me.

"Let's meet each other properly," She said, holding her hand out. "Hi Crona, I'm Maka."

I took her hand tentatively, and then slowly shook it once. "Hi..." I murmured. I then realized what that look in her eyes had been.

She felt sympathy for me.

I thought this girl was really amazing to be so trusting, but it also struck me as odd as I led Maka to my home. It was strange; I felt as if I was stealing her, like she didn't belong with me. The entire walk, not once did I let go of her wrist until I stepped inside the house. Maka looked around the tiny living room that was barely more than a worn love seat and a small old TV, and then directed her attention to the kitchen that consisted of a fold-up table and chair, a mini-fridge, and a disused oven and stove.

"You live here?" She frowned. I nodded, pulling the half-eaten cheeseburger I had found in a dumpster from my pocket.

"Do you have electricity or water?" Maka asked. I shook my head; the bills hadn't been paid in years. "How do you take baths or drink water?"

"There's a water fountain in the park," I explained. "I'll fill my water bottle up with that. And I'll go out when it rains and gets wet."

Maka looked horrified. "Crona, that's terrible!"

I paused in my eating. This way of life was normal for me; I had never thought of it as being terrible. I didn't say another word, I simply put the burger wrapper in the trashcan that I would take to the dumpster whenever it got full.

"She just insulted you, Crona," My monster growled at me. "Punish her. Punch her. Kick her."

I flinched a little., "But she won't love me if I do that..."

Maka looked confused. "Who are you talking to?"

"Hurt her," My monster continued, "Or I'll break your nose again."

I didn't know how to deal with having my nose broken again; it had hurt so much before, and so much of my own blood had scared me. So I stepped forward without a word, and suddenly grabbed Maka's wrists and held her against the wall. I gripped them tightly as I kicked her ankles, bruising them in equal shades of purple. The whole time, she never screamed or made a sound.

I jerked away once I thought I had done enough damage to please the monster. He laughed as I looked down at Maka, seeing an emotion in her eyes that I had seen so often in my own reflection; fear. I realized then that I didn't want her to look at me like that; I wanted her to be submissive. I wanted her to let me treat her however I desired. But I knew she'd hate that, and I didn't want her to hate me. So, in a way, I both didn't want it and did. My monster chuckled then, wording my thoughts perfectly.

"The nightmare you share with Maka is also your dream."

I turned away swiftly and strode back yo the basement, but not before I heard Maka's voice.

"Crona... Hey. Crona," She murmured. The sound of her footsteps signified that she was following me. "Where... Where are you going?" Her voice was shaky. I knew that what I had just done to her had frightened her.

"To the basement," I replied, "To sleep."

"You sleep in the basement?" She asked, tailing me down the stairs. I nodded in response; hadn't I just said that? "Well, there's other rooms in the house. Why don't you sleep somewhere else?"

I shrugged. "I've always slept there. Plus, the monster threatens me if I don't sleep where he says. He like shaving me under his thumb. I know that, but I don't like it when he hurts me, so I do what he says."

Maka was silent for a moment, then softly spoke once she stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "Crona, you do realize that your monster isn't real, right?"

I stiffened on the spot, my feet stopping. "You don't know that," I whispered, my fists clenching at my sides.

"I can't see or hear him, Crona," Maka sighed.

I whipped around to glare at her, my dull eyes suddenly filled with Fury. "Well, one day, he'll be so strong that everyone'll hear him! And-and the creatures, too!" I shouted. "You'll all hear them! You'll all... You'll all hear their voices!" I screamed, throwing myself in bed and burying my face in my pillow. Maka was silent, but then I heard her footsteps slowly retreating up the stairs. I guessed that she couldn't figure me out. But really, everything about me was entirely obvious. I was pained, lonely, and confused, and I had been my entire life. There wasn't anything else to me. My entire existence was clear, fragile, and hollow, as if I was made of glass.

Maka didn't come to speak to me again that night, but that didn't mean there was silence. The creatures and the monster were louder than ever. They laughed at me, taunted me.

"She'll never love you, Crona," My monster's voice was the loudest of all. "You're a pathetic, whiny boy. You should just die."

"No!" I cried. Tonight, I just wanted them to be quiet. I wanted to be alone with my pain and believe what Maka said about them not being real. But there they all werre; laughing and cackling and forever taunting me. I growled in frustration, tearing the sheets down off my bed and trying to set them over the ground-level window so I couldn't see my mockers' faces. However, their voices still reached me, so I ripped the lace hem off of my threadbare pillowcase and shoved it in my ears in vain attempts to block them out.

Nothing worked.

The creatures and my monster still growled and laughed at me. It was too much; I just wanted to die. Wasn't that what they had been saying all night? "Just die."

Fine then. I'd give them what they wanted, if it meant silence. I wasn't really any use to anyone, after all, and Maka would never love me after what I had done to her. They were right.

I should just die.

I rose from my bed, walking over to the closet where Medusa had kept the kerosene lamp for whenever the power went out. Both her and my monster had told me to never touch it, but now one was dead and the other was urging me on. Medusa had told me that it was dangerous, so that's what I was going to use tonight. It wasn't like I had any efficient weapons in the house.

I took the lamp into the disused bathroom, looking around in the darkness at the bathtub. Tiny dots of living light sat in it, showing the glowflies that had taken residence in the large bowl of plaster. I poured the contents of the lamp into the tub after plugging the drain, but I quickly saw that it wasn't enough for what I needed. If I was going to bathe in kerosense, I'd need more liquid. That would kill me, right?

I turned around, ready to get the rain bucket from outside to try and get more water in the tub, when I froze in my tracks. Maka stood in the doorway to the bathroom, watching me with wide and scared eyes. I saw her lips move, but I couldn't hear her well. Remembering the pillow lace I had stuffed my ears with, I pulled them out. As I did so and saw the blood on them, Maka looked even more horrified.

"Crona, what are you doing?" She asked, louder this time.

I was quiet for a minute, watching my feet. I had upset her again. No matter what I did, I always upset Maka. I sniffed, not noticing the tears until it was too late.

"The monster and the creatures..." I murmured shamefully, "... Told me to kill myself, and so I..." I was cut off suddenly as Maka ran to me and hugged me tightly. Her mouth was close enough to my ear that I could hear her crying, and her body shook with sobs.

"Stop, Crona," She whispered. "Please. Stop listening to the monsters. Don't let them control you."

I would've been glad that she acknowledged their existence, but what she said couldn't happen. "No, Maka," I told her. "They'll hurt me if I don't."

She sighed, and then pulled away to look me in the eye. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and I assumed that mine were as well. "Crona, I've only known you a few hours," She said calmly, but she was obviously trying to halt her tears, "But I already know a lot about you."

I was confused, but I didn't interrupt her.

"You're scared and lonely. Those emotions combined and created figments of your imagination; nightmares that put so much strain on your mind that they're destroying your body." Her expression became slightly more stern. "Crona, they're not real. And if you begin to believe that, then I promise that they'll all go away."

I turned to look at our feet again. Her combat boots contrasted sharply with my bare feet. "A-are... Are you sure?" I asked. "That they're not real? That I can make them go away?"

Maka nodded. "I'm sure." She began to smile gently again. "And I can help you."

I thought I had been ignoring my monster up to that point, but it was then that I realized that he was gone. Maka was real; the monster was not. And if I was going to choose one to believe in, I would've chosen the gentle girl who had been the first person in my life to show me kindness.

The next day, Maka brought me to a homeless shelter, and she seemed surprised that I thought it was amazing. Actual meals, bathrooms, and kind staff were such a change for me. The shower scared me the first few times I used it, though. Maka even helped me get a government identity, with a social security number and everything. She helped me learn to read and to write, too. Medusa hadn't taught me much or sent me to school, and I was grateful for Maka's help and patience.

She said recently that writing about myself would help me come to grips with my past and accept it, and then she gave me this notebook. Admittedly, I cried a lot while writing this. Reliving those memories was hard, but it was good to get it all out. I did find love, after all, but I wouldn't call it the "true love" they talk about on TV. I'm not ready for that with anyone quite yet, but friendship is a good step forward from the company of nightmares I had before. The monster and the creatures barely speak to me anymore and I never see them, but sometimes I'll hear them when I'm scared. But I remember what Maka told me, so I don't listen to them, and they don't have any power over me.

I think I've written about everything until this point. I suppose that in closing I can say that I'm much happier than I've ever been, even though things aren't perfect. I'm making the most of it, though, and I'll keep working hard to make myself and my life ever better.

I can't stay up late to write tonight; I have a job interview in the morning. I'm not sure I know how to deal with job interviews, but this'll be one step forward into my new life, with the new Crona. I don't have to ask the monster how I should feel anymore.

Because I feel amazing.

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**Happy ending this time. You like? ;) Next, for a more cheerful and even comedic chapter, I'll have a oneshot based on Vocaliod's "Death Should Not Have Taken Thee!" Despite the sinister name, the song's hilarious. LOL See ya next chap!**


	3. The Candid Ruler

**I really need to find the muse to do these quicker... Sorry guys. Have some Vocaloid :D *I disclaim* I don't own Vocaloid, their song lyrics, or Soul Eater.**

**Of Monsters and Demons**

**Chapter 3: The Candid Ruler**

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Description: Crona, Queen Patricia's most courageous guard (actually he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time) is sent to recover the Queen's sister in a noble quest. At least, that's what Patty thinks. Their queen has been playing a bit too many adventure games. (Vocaloid's "Death Should Not Have Taken Thee!" AU.)

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"And another one of your soldiers has been captured," Recited the game master from her position behind the instructions. "And executed. You lose 10 points."

"Alas, death should not have taken thee!" Sighed the Queen. She did enjoy a good role-playing game, but to be honest, she wasn't very good at them. Castle staff played with her to entertain their ruler, and in complete contrast to her highness, rather hated the games despite their luck with them.

Queen Patricia's father, the king himself, had rode into war alongside his knights some years ago, leaving his two daughters to guard the kingdom in his leave. Unfortunately, he was quite drunk upon his exit, and had named his younger daughter, only ten at the time, ruler of the kingdom until his return. He had died upon the battlefield, but Patricia, or Patty as she liked to be called, hadn't mourned her father for long. She enjoyed the position of queen that her father had foolishly left her with. She never remembered her mother, seeing as the former queen had died soon after Patty was born.

"Now Soul has to roll for the damage he was dealt by the enemy's forces," Read Tsubaki, the castle's chef. Soul, one of her majesty's groundskeepers, grumbled something about being stuck playing this game as he rolled the dice.

Patty clapped and giggled. "Too much damage! You lose!" She exclaimed.

Soul glared at the dice, as if shooting them in a harsh enough gaze could change the numbers on the top. "Curse this game," He muttered.

"And with that," Smiled Tsubaki, "Kid wins."

"And therefore this game's over," Sighed Kid, the castle's head of staff, with relief. "Pardon me, your majesty, but I must get back to my job." He stood and left quickly. Black*Star the squire followed, along with Soul and Tsubaki, who waved a little in goodbye. Maka, Patty's lady-in-waiting, stood as well.

"May I be excused, your highness?" She asked. Patty sighed.

"Fine. Go flirt with that groundskeeper you like," The Queen grinned, causing her maid to blush.

"I-i fancy no man," She quickly tried to defend herself as she rushed out the door. "No one. Especially not Soul..."

Patty laughed. "I didn't even say his name!" She guffawed. Maka was quick to close the door behind her. Patty calmed down quickly upon her exit, choosing instead to busy herself with strolling down to the throne room and seating herself comfortably. She closed her eyes with a relaxed sigh. Her period of soothing silence was to be short-lived, however.

"Majesty!"

Patty opened one eye lazily. "What?" She muttered, looking at the shaking guard who had just hurried into her throne room. He had choppy pink hair that had been pulled to the side in a small ponytail, and his lavender eyes were wide with fright.

"HELP!" He shouted, darting forward to stand before Her Majesty.

Patty groaned, closing her eyes again. "With what?" She muttered. "I'm a very busy Queen, mister guard, or whatever your name is."

The guard gulped. Some who had bothered the Queen in the past had been instantly imprisoned. But he knew that his cause was important, so he continued to speak. "I am called C-crona, milady!" He proclaimed, albeit with a stutter. "And I c-came to tell y-you that..."

"Spit it out, kid!" Patty snapped. "It feels an awful lot like you're just wasting my time..."

Crona paused for a moment, but then summed up the courage and finally spat it out; "Th... The Princess has been kidnapped!"

Patty's attention was instantly grabbed. Her sister, Princess Elizabeth... Kidnapped? The Queen's eyes widened as she began to stare off into space. "This is just like level forty-two of Castles and Chimeras..." She whispered to herself. Crona tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy.

"Come again?"

Patty turned back to her guard, an ecstatic grin now on her face. "Yay, a real adventure game!" She clapped. "Of course, if the Princess has been kidnapped, there must be a valiant hero! And what of the hero, young guard?"

Crona had gone from scared to confused to incredulous. The Queen's sister was missing, and all she could do was compare this to a role-playing game? "Um... Well," Began the guard, "There isn't one, I suppose."

"Hm..." Patty appeared deep in thought once again.

"_Man, her expressions change a_ lot," Thought Crona as he watched her. Suddenly the Queen leaped off her throne and cheerily grabbed Crona's shoulders.

"Okay!" She grinned.

Crona tilted his head to the side again. "Eh?" He asked, deeply confused.

Patty merely continued to grin as she spoke on. "In that case, YOU'RE the hero!" And just as quickly as she had grabbed him, Patty skipped off, speaking swiftly about the guard's task as "the hero". Crona sighed.

"_If this really was an adventure game,_" He thought to himself as he followed her, "_There goes the setting."_

Patty skipped down the hall to the treasure room, unlocking it with her personal key and throwing open the doors for Crona. "Now there's treasure chests all around that you're gonna wanna open. You have to head out, find some party members, defeat the monsters..."

Crona's eyes widened. "You're giving me all this?" He marveled. Patty laughed.

"Of course not, silly! But every player at the start of a Castles and Chimeras game begins their quest with fifty pounds!" She said, handing him the money.

The guard's initial reaction was to stare in astonishment at the fortune he had just been offered, but then his look became one of slight annoyance. "Your highness... You're not taking this seriously, are you?" He sighed. But Patty continued to chatter on.

"Oh, and if you're in a pinch, talking to the citizens is a cinch! They can give good advice and items!" She grinned. "Defeat all those bosses! Knock 'em down good!" She cheered as she grabbed Crona's arm and pulled him out of the treasure room. She soon pulled him out the castle doors. "Now go out there and win the game!"

Crona's eye twitched. "... For real?"

"We've gotta find the enemy forces..." Patty said, strolling through town now. "Depending on what they rolled, they couldn't have much speed..." She turned towards Crona. "What are you doing?"

The guard gulped. "S-shaking in my boots," He mumbled. "I'm not a h-hero, your majesty. I was only assigned to guard the princess last week..."

Patty sighed. "Crona, or whatever your name is..."

"You actually got it right that time..."

"You gotta be proud!" The Queen proclaimed. Citizens were starting to stare at the Queen who had mysteriously showed up in the middle of town.

Crona shuffled his feet. "Can I really be proud when I'm not that great...?"

"Of course!" Patty beamed at him. "Because you truly are the greatest! You're the hero, after all! And since this kingdom's in danger, you've gotta defend it! I command you so!"

Crona looked up at his queen. "I..." All his instincts were telling him to walk away from the mad queen, but she needed him to fight for their kingdom... He sighed again. "I'll act on behalf of the people," He said, then added quietly to himself, "But geez, you're really on a high perch for being so immature..."

Patty tilted her head. "What was that last bit?"

"Nothing!" Crona quickly exclaimed. Patty looked confused for a moment, then dragged Crona off again.

"Now you go out and get some experience points, okay? 'Cause you'll need 'em. You usually can find stuff in the field," She pointed outside of town. "There's a lot of random enemies out there. Oh, but there are also party members. You need to find them, too."

The young guard's head was spinning. "I'm not sure if I can deal with having to remember all this..."

Patty beamed at him, shoving him out towards the open country. "Don't worry! If you get stuck, just check the instructions manual!"

Crona paled. "_Instruction manual?!_" He thought, gulping. As they grew closer to around to the field, he asked a question that had been pressing on his mind. "If I'm supposed to be a wonderful hero, can I get paid vacation?"

Patty grinned again. "Nope!" She declared, giving him one final push and sending him sprawling into the grass directly outside the village. "Verily, I wait with bated breath for the day you defeat the last boss!"

"_She only speaks properly when she's trying to sound dramatic..._" Crona sighed, but headed forward anyway. The Queen waved.

"Go, protect our land and restore to it its peace! I shall direct from sidelines and tell thee thy experience points!" She hollered.

Crona rolled his eyes. "Wonderful," He sighed to himself, walking into the woods and out of sight of his Queen. He began talking to himself jadedly. "Man, she's real encouraging... Well, I guess I've gotta be in better spirits about this. I mean, I do have the privilege to have been sent out on a quest by the Queen herself... Maybe she'll recognize my loyalty and call me a hero!" He smiled a little.

* * *

Over the course of the next week, Crona did as commanded. He assembled a band of noble warriors... Well, more or less. He mostly recruited any castle staff that wanted a break from entertaining the Queen. The guard and his party proceeded to journey into the countryside, where they were mostly very bored until they were attacked by bandits.

After Crona didn't come home at 7 that evening, which Patty had proclaimed was the guard's time to report, she sighed as she slumped in her throne. "Their party has been annihilated... Their levels must not have been high enough," She muttered. "I'll have to get Priest Justin to pray for their deaths, or do something priestly like that." She glanced up at the ceiling, terribly bored. "But there goes the hero... So the game's over." She sighed.

At that moment, the doors flew open. A very battered-looking Crona trudged in with all of his "party members".

"We... We made it," He panted. "Those bandits were rough, but we escaped," He smiled a little. "I'd say that was pretty heroic."

Patty sighed again. "That'd be nice an' all if you weren't dead," She mumbled. "Alas, death should not have taken thee."

Crona raised an eyebrow. "What? But, um, we're not dead."

"Yes you are."

"No we aren't."

"You didn't report in by the designated reporting time. By the rules of Castles and Chimeras, you're dead."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Can't argue with the rule book, guard boy!"

"Does that mean I'm done with this wild goose-"

"But!"

"Oh dear."

"I shall give you another life!"

Every party member shared a collective groan. Soul glared a little at Crona. "Get her to change her mind," He whispered harshly. Crona gulped again.

"Why me?"

Soul rolled his eyes. "'Cause you're the leader. Do it."

Crona sighed, turning to face Patty, who was currently staring at them as if wondering why they hadn't left her throne room yet. "Majesty!" Crona declared.

Patty nodded. "What is it?"

Crona took a deep breath. "This... This is impossible. My party's tired and we have absolutely no lead on whoever might have captured the princess. I think we should quit."

Patty's expression suddenly became angered.

"_Oh darn_," Crona paled, "_This is what I didn't want to happen..._"

"Quit?" Patty repeated. "Quit?! You can't just quit a noble quest! More embarrassing than your death is your SASS!"

"I keep on telling you we didn't die!"

* * *

As they set up camp that night, the party members were getting restless.

"Ya know, I thought there'd be more adventure outside the castle," Muttered Soul as he leaned back against a tree. "Couldn't you choose anyone else to go on a quest with you?"

"Well," Began Tsubaki, "Our land does have a lot of economic and military power. Odds are, there's got to be others in the kingdom you could recruit with abilities like that."

Crona sighed. "But you guys were the only ones who volunteered. I went around the whole village and no one else wanted to do it."

Black*Star laughed. "It's not the people that's the problem; no one wants to follow that nut-job Queen."

"True," Remarked Maka, "She never gets really involved in any of her country's matters; she's always sending someone else to do them for her."

Kid, the Queen's personal tutor, smirked a little. "So, to put it nicely, she's pure. To put it badly..."

"She's an idiot," Soul finished. The camp erupted into laughter.

"But seriously," Kid continued once the laughter had died down. "Crona should go talk to her. Get her to change her mind or something."

The guard wrapped his arms around himself nervously. "I already tried. You saw how she reacted. She got really angry at me, and next time she could have me beheaded. I'm not sure I could deal with not having a head..."

Despite his nervousness, Crona was shoved into the Queen's throne room alone the next evening to discuss matters with her.

"So... You see," The guard continued. "Maybe you can be a bit more... Agreeable? And, um, listen? To your people?"

The Queen looked pensive. "Look, Crona, all humanity is a species of war. We don't have time for willing personalities and adaptability."

"It would help..."

"But onto your gaming information," Patty continued, disregarding the guard entirely. "To reach the next level, thy experience points must increase by 1000, but thy also needs to be more confident! So don't give in, OK?"

Crona sighed. "My confidence is definitely something that needs working on..."

"You'll also need to learn how to mix potions. You should be at a high enough level that you can unlock that skill. You'll need to memorize the names of all the ingredients, what they do, and where to find them. There's Telissa, Boroso, Zanshi, Palante..."

"What is all that?"

"And Holit, of course. Holit's important, but it's all that monks make. They're not very versatile. Frankly, they're all Holidiots."

"This all seems really tedious..."

"Yeah, mixing potions is boring. It puts I, your ruler, to sleep! But they're necessary if you're going to defeat the final boss!"

"I really don't feel like doing this, your Highness..."

"What?! Who do you think you are to go against my orders? Is this a rebellion?!"

"No ma'am!" Crona exclaimed, nervous. The Queen was getting riled, and he didn't want to be in the middle of it. "_Think, Crona, THINK! I need to get her to let my party out of this quest, but I don't want her to kill me... If only she could pick someone else, but then they'd be stuck in this..._" He thought frantically. Suddenly, realization struck him. "_That's exactly it!_" "Your majesty?"

Patty stopped talking for just a moment. "Yes, my humble servant?"

Crona gulped once. "_Now or never._" "I... I am not the hero, Majesty. I can't be; I'm not worthy. Rather, Majesty, I believe you are the hero!"

Patty's eyes widened. She thought for a moment, considering this. "Well, if I went off to war, throwing myself at the front lines, then my approval rating would go up, and I'd get more money when talking to citizens!" She beamed. Her face fell quickly, however. "But... I could die. That'd be bad. Then people'd be crying 'Death should not have taken thee' over my dead body..."

"That sounds ominous..."

"And chances are, if I died, then we wouldn't be able to get ant info on the dark lord's forces."

"What dark lord? You think a dark lord captured Princess Elizabeth?!" Crona exclaimed. "_She needs to quit playing those adventure games..._"

"So, since you're not worthy of being hero..."

"Hey!"

"You said it, not me. Anyway, we'll just sit here in safety and await the true hero!" Patty smiled. "That sounds like a good idea, doesn't it?"

Crona sighed again. "But, your highness, you've got to stop sending others to do your work..."

"I'm doing nothing of the sort!" The Queen retorted. "I'm just... No match for those enemy guys..." She grinned awkwardly.

Crona slumped over in exasperation. "Really..."

"Patty, are you serious?!" Declared an irritated voice from behind the palace doors as they were swung open suddenly, causing both Crona and Patty to gape at the sight of a perfectly unharmed Princess Elizabeth. "I told you specifically that I was going to take a trip to the next kingdom for a week! Can I not leave you for that long without you trying to start a war?!"

* * *

**Rate and review, guys ;) Next up, WoodenToaster's "Rainbow Factory" AU. That'll have me writing stuff I'm better at LOL See ya next chap! :D**


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